Tuesday, 8 April 2014

The Traveler's Ruminations - Feelings

The Complexities of Feelings

Guest Blogger: The Traveler

     Love is a funny thing. And curious at that. You may be a man – or for that matter, a woman – of certain fortitude, bent upon setting career goals; ruthlessly pursuing some lifelong dream of success, exploration or pre-eminence. Your sights set straight on personal ambitions, relieved only for a short time by limited pleasures, fancies or, dare I say, vices. And so onward you steer a course in life with a single-minded goal of self-preservation and ignorant quest of promotion. All interspersed with the odd contact with certain family members and friends, many feigning sincerity and love, only to return to the source of all that is grand, vital and the very reason for your existence – namely “I” or “myself”.
     But when love strikes you, it does so like a ton of bricks. Your equilibrium shot, core upturned, your mind, reasoning and very sense of reality muttled and, suddenly, illogical. What was once so simple, focused and unmovable is in utter and chaotic disarray. Your emotions spike and your heart, the source, beating beyond your control, fluttering at a rapid, inconsolable rhythm and pace.
     The reason, the cause of this unforeseen, always unexpected onset – if I may call it that – is that key opposite figure sitting across the table from you. See them now. It begins ever so subtly. The introduction, the grasp of the hand tender and gentle – or firm and confident. Note that. The minute look, gesture. The stare that is held only just too long. The eyes meet, the heart skips ever so slightly. And so it starts. It may come suddenly and immediately, an almost Dido-like captivity. However, often times, it has a more gradual curve. Yes, there is immediate striking attraction, but not of the Shakespearean proportions – or so one should hope – not strong enough to break the hard, cold shell of mental fortitude and resolve; one’s focus in life.
     To sacrifice such things for emotional entanglement and eventual investment of time and resources would be – foolish, you say to yourself, subconsciously whilst lighting a cigarette. Soon, a casual conversation is struck up. Light, hearty topics of interest or intellect; evolving gradually into material of a more personal nature. Yet even further it goes, down the rabbit hole into sensitive, intricate areas of intimacy. Then, before the boiling pot is safely removed from the heat, a spark suddenly – in the night. You find yourself smiling at every feint and parry. The conversation soon becomes enjoyable. Your heart beats ever faster, your face begins to flush with colour. Still, you are simply enjoying each other’s company. No harm, no confusion. No doubts. You part ways and all is clear again. The world resumes its regular flow. Mind at ease.
     For the moment.

     Somewhere along the way, there is an ever present thought, a whispering idea, and finally, an image. Your recent acquaintance is beckoning to you in your mind. You may be sitting in your study, at your desk, or standing by the bus stop; conversing with your mother, swimming, or simply contemplating about the infinite fascinations of astrology. Yet there it stands: you are thinking about the very same person from the night before. The casual associate who only a few days ago had been a friendly dinner party contact. A friend of a friend, who shared only a few noticeable interests with you, yet had such exquisite eyes. This person had monopolized your thoughts, if only for one weak moment of your fragility.
     What were you just doing? Funny, you cannot recall.
     Willingly or not, the two cross paths again, eventually. Usually in another group setting. You find yourself instantly floating towards them once more. Their voice, charming. The presence and scents even more desirable than the last time. And although he or she is the exact same person, they look distinguishably different in some way. Yes, the clothes have been altered, the lipstick, the shoes. No, something…Why yes, he is wonderful or she is irresistible, the beauty and conversation palpable beyond belief! The eyes sparkling with intrigue and delight. Everything else in your life goes inexplicably on hold. You simply want to spend more time with this person. Revolve you plans around them. Live in an overabundance of intertwining joy.
     Ah, the beautiful extremities of love and passion.
     For now, however, scatter those pesky butterflies, douse that burning heart, settle thy nerves. And forget. Oh yes, that would require much more explanation. Quite.

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